*~* My Dearest Baby Dean*~*

Dear Baby Dean,
   I am so incredibly thrilled to have you growing inside of me! Sorry mommy seems a little crazy, but this is still so surreal to me! By crazy, I mean testing like crazy; I have currently taken 6 at home and one at the doctor. Every time I see the words "pregnant" I think of you. I imagine my life with you. I have many weeks before I know if you are James or Jessica, but either way I am going to love you to the best of my abilities. I love you now, and you have many others waiting on you as well! You have so many people who want to love and spoil you. Daddy is so happy too! He holds you and kisses you already. He talks about the things we are going to do for you.
Dr. said that I shouldnt expect you to come into my life any time soon. But, after only 2 weeks of being treated for mommy's medical issues, you came to us! You are truely our blessing from God. I promise to raise you in His glory and teach you the #hope that many ladies help mommy learn. Keep growing. Be healthy. I dont care how sick you make me, I just want you in my arms. Stay in as long as possible, but not past your due date please :))


I LOVE YOU BABY :)

Mommy <3

Pregnant!!!

That's right!!! We are PREGNANT!! Those words sound like I should be having my mouth washed out with soap!! But, it was confirmed today!! It is extremely early, but definitely true!!!! I am 4 weeks and 2 days!! Can you believe that there is a baby growing inside of me and I am IN LOVE!!! Completely and totally.

So, what made me take a test??? PURE BOREDOM! Not a lie! I had a test lying around and was expecting a negative..... But to my surprise, this comes up

Its the faintest of lines, and almost NOT believable! SOOO I called my mom and told her.... then I called the oh so FABULOUS BFF Courtney who, at 11 pm leaves her family to go to walmart. We had both posted this pic. Most people were in the boat with Court and it was positive; there were some negative people. Then I took a $ store test, which Court SWEARS she saw a faint line..... I got really discouraged and she makes me take a digital one..... AND...... Drum Roll please!!

Yep it says PREGNANT!!! Oh and I about hit the floor!!!! Well, I thought it was a fluke. Two positives?? So I tested in the morning with FMU and guess what??? STILL PREGNANT!!! I made a dr appt and they didnt do much but give me a test. Nurse said line was still faint on her test, but they trust ClearBlue :) I still dont know if I believe it yet FULLY, but I plan to take another test VERY soon :)))))

I hope this gives you all hope :)

<3 Tiff<3

Here. There. Everywhere.

Food= disgusting. Nothing appeals to me. NOTHING. However, I have developed a strange addiction to pineapple. I could eat that all day everyday :) Though, that isn't very healthy, there are worse things I could want. I am not sure if numerically I have lost weight, but I have noticed my clothes falling off. And I am able to wear clothes that last summer, I was not even able to get over my big ol' booty!

I think I ovulated for the first time in a very long while. I couldn't be sure. My OPKs never registered "positive" but I had light lines for three days. But this morning, there was no line. Yesterday, I had a twinge/cramp like feeling on my right side. Ovulation pain? Couldnt tell ya because I dont know what they feel like......


This is the update. Not much is going on. I am falling behind in school work, simply bc I just have no urge to do it :) and in FOUR WEEKS I will be in Panama City Beach :)

Adjusting to metformin

The first night was really bad! I mean really bad! The second night was a little better. Today, the third, hasn't been as bad as the first two. I think I am adjusting but can't be sure. I'm worried about what happens Friday when I start taking two pills a day! And then when I add the third pill. I've heard weight loss is amazing with metformin. That's NOT my main goal. I have been trying to loose weight so it will definitely be helpful!!! My goal is to get my body on track. Where it should have been all along. And ladies, let me be the first to say, if you suspect something is wrong, don't wait so long to get help! I'm lucky things weren't worse. They could have been since I waited soooo long. Maybe soon I can grace y'all with a BFP:)


Tiff<3

Doctor Update

Sorry I havent updated sooner.... SLACKER I know!

Ok the verdict is: PCOS... which I suspected. I start metformin this week at 500mg and go back may 27. If I have not started ovulating on my own/ or pregnant, I start clomid! She is postive before 2011 is over Ill have my BFP! And MAYBE a baby.... by January :)

TOMORROW IS ALMOST HERE!!!

Tomorrow is the day I go to the doctor!!! It is finally here! I cant believe it! I am nervous and have butterflies. But I am also SUPER DUPER excited!

Finally Being Me

Hey guys! I am BACK! And **ALMOST** back to the me that I have missed soooo much. I say almost, bc there are still things that I am working on. I was really depressed the past few weeks with my cycles going aywire again and everyone getting pregnant and passing me by. Though those things bother me and I still want my baby, I have decided that I cant completely let TTC take over my life as it has. I wasnt living and I need to live. My doctor appt is next Friday, the 25. I have faith that God is going to work through the doctor to get me my miracle. Ive lost 16 pounds since Christmas time (ish). To some that may seem so little, but since I struggle to loose weight, that is FANTASTIC!!!!  I have became comfortable with my body as I am but in the process I am working on eating healthier and exercising more. I thought more weight would come off, but I am also pleased where I am. I am still doing well in school ( I say that bc there are no measures in which I can say Im bad or good). I dont have much work to do just a LOT of reading...... I think that is it. Some of the people who follow my blog, dont know me, so if you have ?s or comments feel free :) I am willing and ready :) 


Lots of love and BABY DUST :) 

Tiff <3

AF, you have lost your MIND!!!

CD 34..... No show of AF..... I dont know where she is :( I have had great 32 day cycles since October. I guess that was enough for her. I have taken 2 pregnancy test and they are both have been negative. I really dont have much to say because it is making me really sad :(


Lots of hugs and Baby Dust

Tiff <3

Freaky Friday

SOOOO since I didnt really have a blog post for the day, and it has been a couple days, I am gonna post something kinda creepy. It is about my dream last night. Some detail I will leave out just bc of the sensitivity....

I think what sparked the dream is the upcoming doctor appt...

Ok: So. I went to the doctor. She started running all kinds of test and then did an ultrasound. Afterwards, she came in to tell me what she found. Bad news first. Then was the good, but this is where it is freaky, news. She told me I was gonna deliver in about 7-8 weeks. She proceeded to tell me I was around 29 weeks pregnant... yea I woke myself up!


told you! Freaky friday!


Tiff <3

When good enough isn't good enough any more....

Have you ever felt like nothing you do is good enough for anyone, including yourself?

I have. I am. I try so hard to make EVERYONE happy, and often times that leaves me down and out on myself. I have got to learn that sometimes, you have to hurt someone else in order to make things work for you.

I have a job. I liked it and was happy at one time, but now, its not "good enough". I really REALLY want to be in a teaching position. I search and search all the time. I have yet to find any luck. I really dont want to relocate, but that may be in our cards within the next year or so.

I have a BA degree in Spec ed, but to me, that is no longer good enough. I felt the need to get my masters and here I am, in school yet again.

I have beaten so many odds I have had against me, but still, good enough doesn't seem good enough. I want to enjoy life again and be who I once was. The girl everyone used to love. The one who could have fun and goof off..... I think I am finding her again. I have let so many people down lately. If you were one of them, I AM SORRY!


I am who I am. I am trying to be who everyone else wants me to be, and that is not who I need to be. I need to be me again. And that is where I am going :)


Lots of love and baby dust!!

Tiff<3

Hope all this will be worth it.....

BLAH! Why is getting started with grad school like rocket science?? Shouldn't it be a little more easier than this? With the crazy weather, classes have been cancelled, and then turned into online classes.... Well, mine are hybrid, which means we sometimes meet and then sometimes have online. So not really a big deal..



I finally got my grant money, but it says "pending". Says I was over awarded, and that I have to see financial aid..... GREAT!! Let me take a few more hours off work since I missed two days already to go to the school....... Then I have to appeal to get a book voucher to get my books so I dont have to wait another 2 weeks to get a check.... I have to start reading or Ill get behind....


To top that off, next Thursday, I have to go to Columbia for class..... Thats at least an hour away from here, if not longer depending on traffic. Great. MORE TIME OFF WORK! I just hope that in the end this is all worth it....




Im sure it will be, but right now, It feels like a lost cause..



Tiff <3

Walking in a winter wonderland

So this winter has definately been one to remember for me; I had my first white Christmas and then it snowed a whopping EIGHT inches yesterday :) I have NEVER seen that much snow..... It was nice until about 6pm when the sleet started. This morning there was at least a 1/2 inch sheet of ice on top of the snow. We were snowed in yesterday, iced in today. Hardly any one was out bc the roads were rough. Matt and I walked. I busted my butt.... literally. We have kept power, knock on wood for me. I hope that I get to return to work tomorrow....... BUUUUUUUUT I am over winter. I had a nice snow and a white Christmas.... so Old Man Winter can officially go back into hibernation. I need to be able to get out of the house and NOT get hurt. I need to be warm, laying on the beach under a pounding sun :)

I was supposed to start grad school tomorrow. I was very excited about it. However, Upstate has been closed for two days and opening at 12 tomorrow. My class is at 430 pm, but that is when everything that MAY melt tomorrow is going to start refreezing. The teacher doesnt want to have us all out and risk us driving home at night at reiced (is that a word) roads.... Nice of her, but I was actually looking forward to getting back in the swing of student life. Its gonna be hard, I took one semester off between undergrad and now.

As my doctor appointment gets closer, I get more nervous. I tried making a video, but I look like a hippo :( I would like more input on some things I may consider asking/telling the doctor. This is a completely new doctor Ive never seen before.

Love and baby dust to all :)
Tiff

Sneeze, Sneeze, Cough

Yep. That's right. That is all I have been doing for a couple of days now. Sneezing and coughing, sneezing and coughing, sneezing...... oh you get the point, I'm sure. I have been able to talk to the coworker a little. She knows where I stand and she knows that I don't hate her, she understands it is hard to sit back and watch her dream unfold BEFORE mine.

On the plus side, I MADE MY OB APPT!!!! I go Feb. 15. I'm kinda excited, kinda nervous. Are there particular questions that I should ask? What kind of information do I need to give her?  The OB I am going to has been decided based upon financial aspects. They offer a 55% discount to self pay patients. WHICH IS A HUGE RELIEF! I have heard positive and negative feedback, but as with most things, no 2 people have the same exact experience. I hope that this is what I am looking for. But how can I ever be to certain? I know my fertility isnt a trial and error thing, but IF I don't feel at all comfortable or that things are getting done, I can switch, right? Please feel free to give me information on this aspect :) It will be greatly appreciated.....


OHHHH! And I am PRETTY POSITIVE I am starting Grad school next week. I got an email and have an interview/orientation tomorrow with the head of the program (the interview is for a grant= FREE SCHOOL)!!! And then I will know for sure!!


Lots of love and baby dust :)

Tiff <3

When is it my turn?

I didnt post yesterday; Ive GOT to get better at this....



Anywho. Today has been one of the most (excuse my language) HELLACIOUS days Ive had in a long time. For one, I did NOT sleep good at all last night. By the time my alarm went off, I was finally ready for bed. But my job awaited.  Then, I am not feeling good :( I think the crud Matt had is finally catching up with me. Then comes the worse part.


I get on facebook, the evil, evil, facebook. I saw pregnancy announcement #1. It was from someone who wasnt even "trying" and who just got married less than a year ago..... Ok. Cool. No biggie. Except obviously, she didnt have to try  to hard.


Then a couple hours later, my coworker tells our boss she took a test and is pregnant. She has only been married since June, and didnt start "trying" until the end of Sept. And after the first two months, she had the nerve to tell me she was afraid she was going to struggle like me. Hello, two months is NOT three years. So she had our boss tell me. And like an idiot, i busted out crying right in front of my boss. I was devastated. Dont get me wrong, Im glad she has been blessed, but (exxuse the language again) DAMN IT!!! When is **MY** turn?? Yessssss... ME ME ME ME ME!! I want it to be about me and MY miracle for once. I want what so many people have.....


If you havent heard it already, go listen to Kellie Coffey I would Die for that. My life's current theme song.  Sorry for my rant, but here it is. And I could really use some advice. For instance, how do I handle working with her knowing my heart is crushed? I did send her a text that said I was happy for her, but hurt. She said she understands and not to give up. Easy for her to say, huh? It took three tries....



*Trying Tiff*

Goodbye 2010; Hello 2011

I am already slacking..... I DIDNT post yesterday, but I was kinda involved with activities. So this post will count for two days :) Is that allowed??

1-1-11

WOW!!! I can not believe that 2010 is already over and we are in a new year. Just seems like yesterday I walked across the stage and received my Special Education degree. Another year gone, another year older, time really does seem to fly the older you get. I am at a loss for words on how fast life seems to be moving.

At the end of 2010, I look back at the things I accomplished, and yet there are still things I havent gotten. 2010 brought me a college education and a sense of purpose. 2011, well, all I have to say is its gonna be a great year! I have high hopes I will get a teaching job, and That I WILL have a baby in my arms by the end of this year, if not then, by January. This is **MY YEAR**  I think 4 years of waiting is long enough!! BABY DUST to all of the TTCers :)


1-2-11

JUST last week, we had SNOW on the ground!! I mean, it was COOOOOLD! But today, the sun was shining and it was spring-like. South Carolina does have some strange weather..... But its where Im from and I wouldnt give it for the world. I realized today that in like 6 months, my brother will be OUT of Afghanistan, if not sooner! I cant wait!!


I know I havent been one to keep up with my blog, but I am setting my self a challenge to blog at least ONE sentence a day. I have people who actually keep up with it (surprisingly,bc IM NOT INTERESTING :) )






Lots of love and baby dust  *Trying Tiff*






Oh, and if anyone knows how to make blogs pretty, or make the stamps, please help!!! I am not tech savy like that... :)