Saturday, January 23, 2010

Exhaustion and Sickness

Soooo for the past like 3-4 weeks, it doesnt seem like I can get enough sleep. I sleep and I sleep but I still wake up exhausted. I wake up feeling naseus (sp) and even somethings make me throw up. I dont get it. Now, if it was because of pregnancy, I wouldnt care! But its not. SO WHY! Why doI have to suffer and it not be for the reason i want it to be. I thought maybe this month would be different, but I have taken already 2 tests, and they are both negative. i am soon to reschedule an appt and i guess im going to go back on the pill for awhile...

Monday, January 18, 2010

Initial Rants and Raves

As long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a mother of two, healthy children. Everything looked promising. UNTIL I got married. Once I got married, my cycles began to become infrequent, once every three months. They blamed my weight, but I have always been a bigger girl and kept normal cycles. Then they did SOME testing and said that it could be PCOS. The doctors put me on birth control, what TTCing person wants BC????? I took it for about 6 months, having normal cycles, until I started to gain a little weight, and I stopped taking it. For a few months to follow, I had a normal cycle, but then it started again. Ihave yet to be able to conceive my first child after being unprotected for 2.5 years. I find it very difficult to sit back and watch newlyweds conceive children. But what is even worse, is watching teens and other people who sleep with multiple partners, get pregnant. They have the opportunity to bring a child into the world into an already broken home, and unstable environments. I dont want to be bitter, but it simply IS NOT FAIR! I long to be a mother and everyday I hope I get one step closer to fixing my infertility problems. I do plan on looking into adoption in the near future. I thank Courtney, a dear friend of mine who has a beautiful, active 2 yr old, but who is now suffering with secondary infertility, for opening my eyes and bringing me out of a stage where I wouldnt talk to anyone about it. She has convinced me that I am NOT the only one struggling, and together, we can overcome these battles.