The stress and Strain on Marriage and Infertility...

I am not sure everyone elses struggles and stress, but I do know that for Matt and I, this struggle has caused a lot of stress. I am at breaking point ALL the time. I want to do nothing but cry. He says not to give up and that a baby will happen in time. Yea, easy for him to say when he isnt the one having the problems. Sometimes Ifeel like he just doesnt care, but I know he does. I see the side of him noone else sees because he hides emotion when we are around others. He is quiet and reserved. but at home, he talks about these things. Once he has even cried. he will be 27 next month and he still has no child or any hopes of one. When I'm depressed, I get angry, with a vengance. Not only at him, but other people as well. When I am angry at him, it causes us to argue. Over stupid stuff, about how loud the tv is, how long he plays the game, you know just the little things. I know this is a problme, but even when he tries to console me, I try to find ways to make him look bad. Gosh! I am a HOOOORRIBLE person. Sometimes, I think he is just going to leave me bc I am crazy and "broken" to find someone who is fertile and whose hormones are normally balanced out. My friends think I am crazy too. I cant seem to do anything right here lately and I cant find myself. I have longed for so long to be a mother. And its hard on me.  I cant even work anymore bc it kills me to see all these young, unwed mothers and i have to think to myself, WOW they can reproduce and I cant. What is the world coming to? I am not sure just yet. I am trying to move from my apartments bc there are so many children around and it breaks my heart. Then the one girl who just movedin, just got married in jan. I have known her since HS. She has one child, BTW was born before marriage andis preggo with ANOTHER, who once again was conceived before marriage. The child she has isnt even a year old. It irritates me a lot. And then I am getting sick of people asking me when are you going tohave kids. My simple response is we're working on it and last night, I actually asked someone if they wanted details. I had reached ultimate b*tch. I cant believe I did that. ITs just some people think its like magic, and for most it is, But for people like me, it takes more than a one night stand, or scheduled babymaking. It takes a miracle by the Grace of God with the help of his people (doctors) Ok. sorry to rant. I am  just really depressed right now.


Trying Tiff