On my trip to the Bahamas (july 7-12) IM changingmy identity and not returning.

Why do I feel like I am wasting all my time and energy to be the person  I want to be. This whole week has just been a mixed-emotion week. I have been on a ROUGH roller coaster and I DONT GET IT!! I also dont understand How I had four lovely cycles and then the fifth decided it was going to be 37 days long. I mean, thats better than 90+, but still. It has my hormones outta balance. And I had just got them under some what control. Oh. And today. My coworker (who just recently had her child; yall have heard my discussions) brought the baby in. ANd to my surprise, I held her. I dont know if its bc I thought about darting out the door with the child or I did it out of spite, you knwo, the kill them with kindness kinda deal? Anywho. The cruise is coming up and with recent Cycle events, I think maybe this can be our "baby moon" and the only souvenir I look forward to bringing home is BABY!! I could tell...for the first time.... that telling Matt AF came this month, That he was crushed. He knows how bad I want it, and he also knows he isnt getting any younger......